Part 4 of BETRAYED.
The words threaten to climb out my throat
But I know for your sake I better make them not.
You made me promise not to tell
And so I am going against my judgement to make you feel safe.
I know that it did not happen to me
And I wasn’t even there,
But for some reason I am in so much pain.
I feel so betrayed
As though it had been me
Because even though it was not,
It could have so easily been.
I cannot help but look back at all those laughs I shared with him,
All those situations where I was as vulnerable as you were.
And I had felt so safe, back then. I thought there was no way
Any evil would touch me as long as he was next to me.
How was I to know that he was the one who would harm
One of us? That thought never even once passed through my head.
It seems so out of this world, it simply cannot be real. It made me feel sick
Even as I thought about what you said he had done. It seems to be impossible
Yet he has proven me wrong. But fuck it all to hell, I so wish he had not.
How am I supposed to deal now that everything I thought I knew has been proven a lie?
I feel as though my world has been turned and everything is still spinning,
Falling into place, but not the place where it belongs.
I am beyond confused, angry, sad, betrayed, torn, hurt, betrayed, betrayed, betrayed.
I don’t know what to do anymore. It sounds ridiculous even as I say this,
But there is no changing what has been done. He has undone all she and I believed to be true,
And I think that is what is hurting us and confusing us the most. We have to reevaluate
Everything we had thought to be true, and that is something we do not know how to do.